Humour

Little Bathroom of Horrors

The Campus Centre male bathroom at SAIT in Calgary on Thursday, Feb. 20, 2020. The restrooms notorious always wet counter and a leaky sink. (Photo by Jesse Boily/The Press)

Maybe you’re hanging at the Odyssey, watching a Trojans game, or simply on your way to the train, and it hits you. That pressure that we know all too well.

 

You gotta pee.

 

Why couldn’t this have happened in the Aldred building, or, quite frankly, any other building but the Campus Centre?

 

The men’s restroom in Campus Centre has its own unique qualities that make it a great horrible bathroom.

 

If the bathroom were a character in a movie, it would be hanging out in the Mos Eisley cantina. As the wise old hermit Kenobi said, “You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.”

 

The bathroom is full of all the great qualities of a terrible restroom.

 

Locks are missing on stall doors. Check.

 

A somehow always-wet counter. Check.

 

The toilet seats… let’s not describe the horror, as it may disturb much of the Weal’s audience.

 

May the universe be kind to those who have to do their business in a stall.

 

The ability to flush a toilet in the Campus Centre bathroom is rare. Those who have tried have been met with an overflow of horror. Flushers beware.

 

That is, if you find a stall with a working locking mechanism. As of writing this article, two of the five stalls were missing their locks. To no one’s surprise, they were the cleanest.

 

A tap that is continuously running creates the ambient soundtrack of a truly awful bathroom, and a bucket catches the tears it sheds every day. Before we published this article, the bucket vanished into the void, replaced by an ominous hose that waits for its next victim.

 

As renovations that seem to change nothing continue in the Campus Centre building, will this horrible, awful bathroom change?

 

This nightmare of a bathroom could live on to be the best worst public restroom in Calgary, a must-visit for any horror enthusiast.

Or if you just gotta go.

 

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