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Is porn your other lover?

Genesta Walz Photo illustration The easiest way to keep porn from affecting your relationship may be ensuring a history purge on your peronal computer.

Calvin Davies, 29, dabbles in the pleasures of Internet pornography. He wouldn’t consider himself a fan, and it doesn’t interest him nearly as much as the real thing, but he still visits bawdy websites once or twice a week.
When his girlfriend asks about it, Davies is honest and explains porn is no more than a tool to get the job done. To him, porn and masturbation is just one step in maintaining his bodily health and comfort.
“A lot of guys jack off to porn so they can fall asleep. It’s like flossing or cutting your nails,” says Davies.
While this might be a comfort to partners who are confused by their sex buddies’ need for outside stimulation, others may see the rough, multi-orifice-invading activities their lovers use as sleep aids, and feel their own techniques don’t measure up.
Pam Knauss, executive director of the Calgary Sexual Health Centre says porn can give an unrealistic view of what sex is really like.
“We know that people don’t really look like that, or engage in the behaviors that are presented in pornography. It can cause unrealistic expectations of your partner about what sex acts they will engage in,” says Knauss.
Though he has logged many hours on the porno-sphere, Davies doesn’t believe it colours his bedroom behaviour in any way.
“To me porn is so far removed from any human relationship. It’s completely separate from what sex actually is,” says Davies.
James Willigan, 30, agrees the porn he watches doesn’t delude him to think sex with his girlfriend should always be a reflection of pornographic material. He wouldn’t want to regularly bring porn-styles to bed with him and his girlfriend, but enjoys the odd night of kinkier-than-usual sex inspired by adult videos.
“Once a month we’ll have a porn-star night, but it’s really good the rest of the time too,” says Willigan.
Sexual enthusiasm like this is a welcome addition to a relationship, and many couples watch porn together as a way to spice up their repertoire. For some porn fans though, the activities involved in enjoying computer porn are laden with shame and best completed solo.
Willigan says in the heat of the moment, when he’s “wailing on himself,” he thinks, “this is great, even when I’m done, I’m going to keep watching it,” but once the lust is purged from his body, all the appeal is lost.
“Sometimes I feel guilty afterward. I always turn it off right away.”
Davies says he would never ask his girlfriend to watch porn with him.  “I like to be alone. It’s like taking a shit, really,” says Davies.

Disclaimer: Source’s names have been changed to protect their identity and relationship statuses.

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